“The right way to wholeness is made up of fateful detours and wrong turnings.” C.G. Jung
It seems that the cosmos are aligning in a manner that is creating what could be perceived as a serious unfortunate events. For the last few weeks I have heard from all sorts of friends, family, and students a steady discussion regarding the turmoil occurring in their lives. Random acts of weirdness, unexpected deaths, health diagnosis, and accidents.
I find it interesting that in a manner of 24 hours two of my best friends and myself experienced difficult, yet different situations that lead us each to the same conclusions.
One friend, Ingrid, and her son had an awful confrontation with a belligerent stranger. They were having tea outside in a public area designated as ‘non-smoking’, and a man approached and sat at the table next to them and proceeded to light up. Ingrid and her son tried to be tolerant. In fact, Ingrid is one of the most compassionate, tolerant, patient, loving souls I know. She kindly mentioned that this was a ‘no smoking area’. He began to vent a brutal tirade of diminishing comments regarding their nationality; he questioned their immigration status and made preposterous statements regarding their lack of rights in this county. He spoke to her son in the same profanity and abuse to the point he was in tears. The man’s violent tangent went on for too long, and the police were called which ended up scaring him away. Ingird and her family came to this country from Venezuela for opportunity, not cruelty. They recently obtained their citizenship, an incredibly lengthy process that signifies determination, loyalty and perseverance, not to mention extensive costs. Even now as Americans they face the same racial assumptions and inequality. How disheartening; how unfair. Where is the compassion?
My other soul sister, Carrie, was experiencing pain in her uterus. She had not been to the ‘girl doctor’ in 16 years since her son was born. She is warrior who tends to ‘tough it out’, but something was different about this sensation and she made the courageous choice to seek medical consultation. Interestingly enough on her way to the doctor she came across every possible obstacle, wrong directions, address, no cell phone all coupled with an underlying anxiety, ‘what if something is really wrong’. Like a golden, feminine Ganesh she moved through her obstacles choosing her health over a quick escape to give into the challenge and not go to the doctor to get help. She was strong and willing to face the fait. A week later she found out it was benign, a cyst that popped. Gratitude rushed in. Do I take my health for granted?
Almost at the same time these two events occurred, I was involved in a car accident. Driving along in my ordinary morning routine and then boom, collision, an impact that stopped me in my path, totaled my car and left me shaking but alive….so grateful to be alive, so grateful my children are alive. Am I on the right path, am I living to the fullest, am I seeing what is important?
It could have been really easy to let these little crisis emotionally cripple us into a helpless victim state holding onto to the statements, “someone violated me”, “I am sick,” “I don’t know what to do”, but instead we asked questions rather than making assumptions and we turned the situations into a practice of compassion, acceptance, gratitude and choice. Compassion to the man who doesn’t know his heart well enough not to be cruel. Compassion to the cyst that encouraged a women who doesn’t normally receive help to reach beyond comfort and ask for it in honor of loving her body. Compassion to an accident that invited deeper contemplation regarding the direction I am moving and an honest reflection to those things in my life that need more attention. We practice acceptance for what has occurred rather than resisting it or tying to change or control it. We are grateful for our families, each other, the very body and breath that carry us through life with love and grace. We mindfully sourced an integrity that allows us to choose how we face times of challenge and crisis.
Crisis is an opportunity to evolve and awaken to our selves in a more meaningful manner. To learn how to cope, adjust or do what is necessary to learn better methods, perspectives and choices that empower us to not stay in the role of the victim. When we stay in a position that identifies with the victim we loose accountability for our own active role in choosing the kind of life we want to have. It doesn’t mean that we can’t sit with the pain and learn from it, but when we attach to the crisis event or pain for too long it only perpetuates the trauma and it negates our power and ability to move forward, to move through and beyond. We must trust our ability to overcome and detach from those things that allow us to taste weakness, vulnerability, humility, and pain. Often times the most painful experiences are our greatest teachers and evoke a wisdom that aligns with life affirming practices such as compassion, acceptance, gratitude and mindfulness. One of my most influential mentors, Meagan Pugh, described crisis as not being broken, but rather being broken open.
With compassion, acceptance, gratitude and an a life built on the integrity of intention and choice,
Namaste,
Robin Afinowich
Join me next Saturday for more reflections.
